Major changes 

The mass majority of the puppies will be gone soon, and with them soon to be heading to their furever home I have began to make some major decisions lately. My newest partner started to question my future, and I was kind of embarrassed to say that I didnt have much of a plan. So I have been considering what I want to do with my future.

I used to have lots of plans for my future, but after marrying Nick a lot of them changed. He has PTSD and I am his caregiver so I have in essence put a lot of things on hold for him. When I was working at a chiropractors office it was incredibly difficult, because he would constantly want me home. It was the same when I took a job at the jewelry repair store for less hours. Now he has gone back to work, and things seem to be looking more stable.

As of right now I have an expired massage license. I let it lapse since we don’t have the money to pay for it right now. I need 200.00 to get it renewed as well as 150 for my malpractice insurance. I have also been super lack on getting the required credits for my CE’s.

So I have decided that I’m going to go back to school in August for a Bachelor’s degree in Psycology. Im half way towards completing my Associate’s degree. I have decided the first stipend that I receive will go toward reneeding my license as well as doing a few CE’s.

Going back to scool will also prolong when I have to start paying back my student loans, which as you can already conclude I can’t afford to pay right now.


I’m slightly fighting an uphill battle after a crushing emotional break down the other day. It was started as a full blown panic attack that ended up spiraling into the darkness. At one point it got so bad my husband was considering taking me to the hospital, because he simply didn’t know what to do. 

Right now I just feel detached I guess. Hoping that someone will help anchor me down and help coax me back. Until then I’ll keep floating about until I decided that I want to come back. 

I have had a lot on my plate recently, and it’s not really getting better. The puppies have been a huge contributing factor, but there is so much more to it as well. I did allow two puppies to go to their furever home two weeks early yesterday, and I am hoping that helps at least a little.

Couple Other Factors;

  • I basically had a bestfriend let alone girlfriend break up with me as well as abandon me in the worst imaginable way. 
  • I also have a girl showing me immense interest that has my head spinning. 
  • Puppies! I mentioned puppies right? There were 10 now there are 8. 
  • So basically picture ten 1 year Olds minus diapers and with sharper teeth.
  • Period = Bleeding, cramps, emotional coaster, and add a dash of dash extreme dsyphoria.
  • Mine and Gruff’s 3 months is quickly approaching, and with it a decision that I can not take lightly.
  • Add in almost zero adult time for myself.
  • Never seeing Gruff considering when he’s home he’s a sleep, or he’s at work.
  • Endless cleaning
  • Extreme physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion and burn out.
  • Crippling  depression & anxiety


So… lets start this at the beginning when my girlfriend/bestie moved in she really wanted Logan her boy dog and Jules mine and my boyfriends dog to mate in order to have puppies. We talked about it a decent amount, and decided to go ahead and just let them go for it.

Well… now we have 2 week old puppies, and I think that I am in completely over my head by like a lot. I should have done shit tons of research “before” the puppies were born…no before we even let her get pregnant, but I can’t really cry over spilled milk. Now I have my hands filled with 10 yes 10 puppies.

So in case you were unaware new born and a couple week old puppies are a lot of work. Work? yes work there is apparently a lot of it to go around. I was naive in thinking that the mother did everything until they needed to be weened and potty trained. ¬†The first and foremost you have to take care of the mother. You need to make sure she is healthy getting plenty of food and water. She can’t be too hot.

If all of the above conditions are not met 24/7 she will not lay down and fed the pups that need to be fed every 2 hours, and since there are 10 there is almost always someone hungry… the runt of the litter is under half the size of the next smallest pup so I constantly have to make sure she is getting enough food.

Did you know that they sound like new born crying babies for the first week or so? So guess what I did every single time they made so much as a pip? I barely slept at all I can tell you that.