My story is a story of struggle, as I wrestled with issues of God and my own place in the world as a spiritual being, and this struggle have proven to be one of my greatest struggle. I was born and raised a Christian which is what I still am in part. Though, in my journey to find myself and my own path I have become much more than a simple Christian. For years I did not know what exactly my religion is or was. I struggled with my faith for years in a fairly mental abusive Christian extremist home, and many have ask, “How I made it through with my faith”. My response to that is very simply, “How would I have made it through without my faith?”
It’ll probably be a shock to many to hear I grew up in the church and spent my pre-kindergarten through 7th grade school years in a Christian school. It would probably also be less of a shock to learn that I got my first kiss that summer, saw the first penis that was not related to me, learned what smegma was to my horror, and I stumbled into the lifestyle. Well anyways after that summer my 8th grade year I begged and pleaded to go to public school, and I got my wish granted. I promptly went from a straight A student to a practically a straight F student the only class I was passing for the better part of the year was History. This was literally the biggest culture shock I have ever experienced in my life. Before this I loved Science, which yes we had in Christian school. I was not prepared for Earth Science though, because a lot of it fell back into evolution which haha I didn’t know “surprise!”
The reason I have given you this knowledge though is, because it was during my high school year that everything changed. I still went to church, but my parents no longer did. They had become so much of extremist that they were beyond the church, and the church had nothing left to offer them. This was also the point I suffered the most mental abuse and degradation in my life even though it has never really stopped.
It was also in high school that since I excelled at History believe it or not I ended up in an AP Theology class. For those that may not know theology is the study of the nature of God and religious beliefs. This doesn’t mean just Christian though as almost every religion has some form of God(s) and or Goddess. So to continue since this was a college level class our year long assignment was a thesis on religion that we drew out of a hat. I was blessed to reach in and pull out Wicca thus beginning my lust for knowledge of other religions.
That paper sparked what became a breakdown of my beliefs. It was from there that I questioned not only my religion but all of them. My parents saw this spark as I began bringing home books about Wicca, witchcraft, and etc. They tried to go to school and even stop this, but since it was my choice in the end. I choose that I wanted to complete this assignment. This was the beginning of a lot of grief, and when I say that having my belief system questioned is a trigger for me it come from this. They were enraged that I would choose to study a religion outside of Christianity. They would constantly day in and day out punish me for it. I spent a lot of time that year trying staying away from them as much as possible. I still had to go home at the end of the day though, and it was never good.
At that point I knew I wasn’t just a Christian… I saw this every time I walk into a church or talk to my family. Every Christian that I know is not Christlike as all. Ranging from extremely judgmental to beyond close minded. This just isn’t me… I am a very solitary person, open minded, non-judgmental, and extremely loving most Christians I know I can’t even conceive of consider them loving. Most contemporary Christians are massively ignorant as to how the church got to where it is today and of how much current church practice is due simply to accumulated tradition, with little or no roots in Scripture I’m not very interested in Dogma or church politics at all though.
Towards the end of high school I began to consider myself a Christian with Wicca views, but that slowly changed into Trinitarian Christian or Christian Witch as I became and adult. Trinitarian is a path of American Wicca or Non-British Traditional Wicca that works exclusively with the Christian Pantheon. There are no church trappings or conflicts with the Bible, because they work directly with the Gods and Goddesses; church dogma does not have a place in their ritual structure. As for Christian Wicca, the term Christian is used as a modifier for the pantheon observed in this particular practice of Wicca, much like the concept of Celtic Wicca. They as Wiccan practitioners focused on a Goddess-inclusive Christian trinity. Christian Wicca was more descriptive, Trinitarian Wicca is far more accurate and far less controversial but it is hard to express the concepts of Trinitarian Wicca without using the term Christian in the definition.
In only the last few years I have began to consider myself more of a Christian Pagan or Christo-Pagan. Everything above this applies and beyond a basic Christian foundation, though, our beliefs vary just as much as our individual spiritual paths within our community.
“”Trinitarians are more like Grey Witches because initially Christianity was the Way, an off-shoot of Paganism that focused solely on the God in answer to Dianic Witchraft focusing solely on the Goddess, because Trinitarians combine the original teachings of the Way and the teachings of Christ, they sit between Dianic Witchraft (or Paganism in its “truest form”) and Christianity as humanity knows it today.
Thus, Trinitarians are more closely related to Grey Witches or Greywalkers in that they are a very reclusive, very secluded, very secretive Tradition and are often ostracized by the whole of Paganism and Christianity because they ride the coin that connects good and evil.””
People find it strange that I’m into everything I am and still have the “gall “to call myself a Christian well I have something to say to that. There is a motto, “Don’t be so heavenly minded that you are of no earthly good.” I agree, because there is a danger in spirituality that isolates. Next, Jesus said that believers may not be “of this world” but, they are certainly “in it.” Jesus, as spiritual as he was, did not separate himself from the secular world. Despite his Orthodox Jewishness (spirituality) he hung with non-Jews, with the dreaded Samaritans, with whores, with sell-out Jewish tax collectors, with radical zealot terrorists, with the diseased, impoverished and the very wealthy. He told stories to the masses that revolutionized the material and secular universe on hill tops (the mass media of the day). It is a known fact that Jesus’ worst enemies were the self righteous G-rated do-gooders of his time. He spent little time with them. So why should I do anything different then himself? The traditional model of how we “do church” is very wrong to me and it’s strangling Christ’s Body. I know I am outspoken but it’s who I am. I also don’t claim to be the best Christian in the world but I try to follow what God has planned for me.
“”I believe in Jesus”” -Bettie Page
If you are interested in learning more about my duel religious beliefs here is a few places that may help.
Christian Wicca: The Trinitarian Tradition
The Path of a Christian Witch
ChristoPaganism: An Inclusive Path
Reimagining Church: Pursuing the Dream of Organic Christianity