Hard limits and Triggers

I live and breathe to bring out the potential in myself and others. I will sacrifice my time, energy, and resources to be there for a true friend or a family member. My views on life are that it is meant to be used to inspire others and improve the world. Continual self-seeking behavior is detestable to me and goes against my very core beliefs.

Bullying, belittling, and abuse is nearly unforgivable to me. Whether it’s sarcastic jabs at someone’s expense or something as detrimental as abuse, I will not put up with it. I have the heart for the hurting and the vulnerable, and can’t stand to see anyone being taken advantage of or oppressed.

I follow through on my promises and show respect to others by being there for them when I say I will be. This can mean anything from doing a task I’ve promised to do or showing up somewhere on time. If you consistently show up late, shirk obligations, and break promises, you’re bound to piss me off.

I can’t stand being talked down to, patronized, or condescended to. Some people misunderstand my quiet, sensitive nature as a form of weakness and feel they need to patronize me or ‘take charge’ of me. Well, I can quickly see through this kind of behavior and, although I may bite my tongue initially, I will likely lash out with uncharacteristic resolve and anger at someone who repeatedly talks down to me. I tend to easily analyze other people using a combination of insight, emotional awareness, and logical deduction. If you frequently patronize me, don’t be surprised if one day you find out I have been carefully collecting every logical flaw in your arguments and every personal weakness you have to completely annihilate you when you’ve finally gone too far with your superior attitude.

Generalized Anxiety Triggers

Before I become triggered, I feel fragmented or lost. I feel like I can’t be myself, and feel an urge to act a part to “survive” or fit in. This disassociation can cause physical symptoms for me, like headaches, IBS, or nausea. The repressed feelings I have been holding onto can cause me to become immobilized. If I am under chronic extreme stress, I may fall into the grip of my inferior function, introverted sensing. When this happens, I may engage in indulgent, self-destructive habits like binge eating, cutting, over-exercising, or usually smoking more. This often feels like an out-of-body experience to me. What I do provides no pleasure, but feels somewhat robotic and out of control. After this occurs, I dwell in self-hatred, falling even more into guilt over what I’ve done. I may become uncharacteristically angry and quick-tempered, unreasonable, and irrational. I may become obsessed with details in my outer world; obsessively cleaning or doing housework.I tend to stumble over my words, and my intense feelings eventually lead me to a state of complete exhaustion.
  • Talking on the phone. Especially with Doctors and bill collectors.
  • Large crowds especially inebriated crowds
  • Men yelling in an aggressive tone
  • Driving especially in the rain and even more so in storms.
  • Clutter and disorganization
  • Filthy living conditions
  • Excessive amounts of work placed on me.
  • Excessive high levels of noise.
  • Having to focus too much on sensory/concrete details
  • An overload of sensory stimulation or noise
  • Interruptions
  • Being lied to or asked to lie.
  • Distress within a close relationship
  • Having my values violated
  • Not enough alone time. Too much extraverting.
  • Working with closed-minded people
  • Lack of appreciation or understanding
  • Unfamiliar environments with overwhelming amounts of details
  • Having plans disrupted
  • Not having a clear direction
  • Lack of harmony
  • Excessive criticism and conflict
  • Not being able to use my intuition or envision the future
  • Having to focus too much on the past or present
  • Being in critical or confrontational environments
  • Lack of affirmation
  • Unexpected change
  • Inadequate time to complete work to my standards
  • Tense relationships or environments
  • Having to do mundane, repetitive tasks
  • Having to conform to something that goes against my values
  • Over-empathizing with others to the point of losing track of my needs
  • Being misunderstood or not trusted

How to help

  • Give me space.
  • Do not corner me.
  • Reduce my sensory stimulation; loud music, interruptions, TV, etc,
  • Let me express my thoughts and feelings.
  • Understand that I may be irrational. Don’t judge me.
  • Don’t give me advice. As well meaning as this it will not help me at right.
  • Let me take a break from some of my responsibilities
  • Encourage me to spend some time in nature, walking or reading a book.
  • Take a walk with me.
  • Encourage my less serious side, and let me relieve emotional tension by letting me cry through a sappy movie or novel of some sort.
  • Be forgiving if I’ve been overly harsh or critical while under stress. Chances are, I will feel very guilty about it.
  • Acknowledge how I feel.
  • Let me talk it out.
  • Remind me of my strengths and contributions.
  • Don’t ignore me, even if I seem irrational.
  • Give me a change of scenery to get away from the situation.
  • Do not patronize or dismiss my concerns.

Physical & Emotional Triggers

Before I trigger, I often disassociate myself from the situation to protect my sense of well-being and togetherness. I may repress the unpleasant side of life for so long, that it gradually intensifies until when I do trigger I may explode with emotional and/or charged anger. If the situation does not de-escalate, I may resort to physical violence. Often time my body will reflect pent-up stress by manifesting various physical symptoms, like headaches, shoulder tension or an upset stomach. In the case of chronic stress on my triggers, I may fall into the grip of my inferior function, introverted thinking. When this happens, I may uncharacteristically lash out at others, obsess over their mistakes, lack of competence and flaws. Eventually, these criticisms will turn inward and then I will withdraw from others to self-criticize. I may become obsessive about analyzing irrelevant data to find some ultimate truth or reason for this occurrence.
  • Pulling my hair without permission. (Must ask every time)
  • Spiting near me with insight a flinch
  • Spitting on me with insight a full flash
  • Touching, grabbing, or hitting me in anger.
  • Taking my phone or glasses from me in anger or jest.
  • Hiding my phone or glasses from me.
  • Breaking or damaging my phone or glasses.
  • Taking my car without permission.
  • Disabling or taking my keys to my car with the intent of not allowing me to leave.
  • Not allowing me out of my or any car.
  • Cornering me
  • Giving out my private information without my consent (Especially to someone that means harm to me or mine)
  • Finding my car gone.
  • Wreckless driving while I am in the car. (Intensifies in dangerous road conditions. )
  • Purposely locking me out of anything or anywhere.
  • Continuing anything past red, stop, or no.
  • Removing the ability for me to eat healthy balanced meals.
  • Screaming at me (especially without a build up)
  • Any form of physical or sexual assault
  • Directed or Misplaced Aggression
  • Degradation
  • Belittling
  • Invalidating of my triggers
  • Using my triggers or story against me.
  • Threatening the use of abuse on animals or child.
  • Gaslighting
  • Being called a liar (intensifies with gaslighting, aggression, degradation, and belittling)
  • Excessive filth (in personal spaces or hygiene)

Hard Limits

In BDSM, limits refer to issues that participants in a play scene or dynamic feel strongly about, usually relating to prohibited activities. Participants typically negotiate an outline of what activities will and will not take place. They describe what they desire, do not desire, will and will not tolerate, including the determination of limits. For example, it is common to set a safeword and to establish certain types of play as prohibited. The BDSM usage of the terminology “limits
  • Abduction play
  • Age play
  • Asphyxiaphilia play
  • Bimbofication
  • Breath play
  • Breeding
  • Caging/confinement
  • Crying
  • Deep throating
  • Defilement
  • Emotional masochism
  • Face fucking
  • Feminization
  • Fisting
  • Flesh hooks
  • Gagging/choked by cock
  • Gangbangs
  • Gender play
  • Glory hole
  • High heels
  • Hook suspension
  • Human ashtray
  • Human toilet
  • Humiliation
  • Impregnation Fantasy
  • Infidelity
  • Large objects
  • Nun/Priest play
  • Spitting
  • Tears
  • Tit fucking
  • Toilet
  • Verbal humiliation
  • Degradation
  • Waterboarding.

Soft Limits

  • Artistic cutting,
  • Begging
  • Belt spanking
  • Belt whippings
  • Branding
  • consensual nonconsent play
  • Cunt worship
  • Depilation
  • Diapers
  • Enemas
  • Face slapping
  • Figging
  • Foot/feet
  • Latex
  • Lycra/spandex
  • Making home movies
  • Needle play
  • Pantyhose/Stockings
  • Play piercing
  • Pubic hair
  • Punching
  • Rubber
  • Scarification
  • Staples
  • Talking about my Triggers
  • Mansplaining in general

Please Note: That the mass majority of these are in reference to it being done to me.

Curious About

  • Shaven by my submissive
  • Shaving my submissive
  • Doctor/nurse play,
  • Dyed pubic hair
  • Fire Play
  • Fire cupping
  • Fire flogging
  • Frozen cum cubes
  • Ritual hook suspension
  • Rope
  • Scenes so intense the audience safewords
  • Uncut cock
  • Watersports

Please Note: This is not an inclusive list, and I will add triggers as I find or remember them. A lot of my abuse and triggers have been repressed within my mind to protect myself.

Short Note from the author.

This post has literally been years in the making because discussing my triggers tend to be a trigger in an of itself, because my second and third abuser learned all my triggers. At the time I told him it was so that he was informed so that he would not trigger me. So that we could avoid them with the intention of trying to lessen them later. That never happened though. He learned all of them and then turned them around on me to use against me adding his own brand of abuse on top of them even adding even more.


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