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I survived 2016. It’s now day one of the of 2017 a 365-page story that is being written as we speak. 

It is time for reflection, though this year has been so terrible. I lost my Grand Mother & Mother within the span of six months. It was also during this time that I thought that I had found something special. It started as a small flame, but soon that flame burned too bright and lashed out at me uncontrollably. I became badly burned and though the healing salve was administered quickly. It healed the physical damage, but the scars it left are still an angry sort of color. It’s the kind of scar that others can clearly see from afar, and know that it runs deeply. Thus now extending my dark time of the year from October-February whereas before it started slowly after Samhain and continued through til around my birthday.  So basically it has been extended by a month and a half to be safe.

Thus now extending my dark time of the year from October-February. Whereas before it started slowly after Samhain and continued through til around my birthday.  I feel that next year this pain that I have managed to push to the side will not allow me to ignore it again. It will be then that I am forced to inner reflect and deal with it.

There are points where it became so dark that I wasn’t sure that I would be writing this today. I thought that perhaps I would become yet another young transgender life that had been snuffed out too soon. Just another statistic lost among the many. It seems though that I was able to pull through.

This year tested my strength and resolve to the point that I truly thought that it would break. It surpassed anything that I could even imagine enduring. It’s honestly hard for me to look back and see any good at all. In truth though there was a lot of good that came about even if it requires taking a step back from it all to see it. I was able to find an amazing psychologist that has helped me immensely. I made several new friends that have become my family. I also strengthen the bonds of several of my existing relationships.

The biggest thing that came out of this year though was me. I came out as myself. I now know that I am a transmasculine individual, and have began the process of transitioning into my authentic self. Eventually, my goal is to appear more androgen overall though basically, I will present as a mostly feminine male. Just picture a sassy gay guy just minus actually being gay *laughs* considering I’m pansexual.

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