Message that I received today, “I’m curious as to what is it about being born into a gender that mentally you don’t feel comfortable with. I know I won’t understand much of it but I have been looking into it, and having thoughts/experiences of others does help me get somewhat of a concept. I recently did a paper of gender roles and it sparked more of an interest for me.”
I guess it’s a little bit like if you were born without legs. So your whole life you see virtually everyone around you walking around, taking their limbs for granted while you struggle on by in a chair. Sure, some places accommodate you but when it comes to something like getting a job or dating, you’re going to be perpetually turned down just because you ain’t got no legs. Oh but some people have a fetish for you. But they call you a Wheeley because that’s the name they hear in porn. They don’t understand that it offends you because more often than not, a person’s only ‘experience’ with a disabled person is from pornos. And they’re not intelligent enough to comprehend that porn is hyper-reality.
Unfortunately, no amount of money or surgery can actually make you like everyone else. You can get prosthetic (if you have the thousands of bucks to spend) but you won’t be able to feel them or actually use them for walking, so sometimes when you look at them you just feel bitterness and self-pity.
People stare. People don’t know what to say to you. Some people ask probing questions about your chair. You wish people were curious about your person and not your taboo. But at this point you know most people identify you as the legless person. And people are curious how you make use of your genitals so sometimes they ask. Some parents will defensively clutch their child as they pass you on the street. Some people think you chopped your own legs off because of some perverted philia. Some people think you’re somehow faking it for attention. Some people call you a freak. Others a monster. Some people think it’s disgusting you get your own handicap stall in the bathroom and they think back to a time in which public restrooms didn’t accommodate a wheelchaired person. You make them uncomfortable. So they decide to ban you from such places.
Some people are really repulsed and enraged by your lack of legs. Sometimes they beat you up. Sometimes they kill you. They claim you chose that life; you chose not to have legs. They don’t have the capacity to understand you never asked for any of this. And this is how things are for you. This is how things have always been for you. You just have to figure out how to make your life work as best you can. You’re stuck to figure out how to be happy and successful when you’re trailing six feet behind everyone else, having to try twice as hard to get the same results they do.
Another comparison would be if you were born male as you are but without male genitalia. Just, like, Ken doll smooth crotch. So using the restroom, socializing, dating and sex are all weirdly complicated for you. Not only because you’re a bit unconventional but also because of the massive social expectations for you to simply have predictable genitalia.
Hopefully, that might help you sorta understand. At the end of the day, anything extreme a person has no experience in is generally just inconceivable. But good on you for trying. Oh, and biological sex is what you’re born as gender is self-identity. So it’s actually being “born into a sex that mentally you don’t feel comfortable with.”