Releasing Gruff 

This past Wednesday was the mark of us being together for 6 months. I chose though to not continue with the relationship. I chose to release him. No matter how I feel about him I know this was the right thing to do in the end. 

Dear Gruff,

My precious pet, I love you with all my heart, but you have disobeyed me time and time again. For this reason I must bring us to a close.

Why? Because to my mind, you are leaving the relationship. You are breaking your agreements first.

How do I get you to understand that when you say no, or whine about a task I have set you, you chip away at the very foundation that makes us strong, that makes us “us.”

I am not saying you can’t question me, or have to do everything I ask, but if you do not want to do something, you have protocols that you can use to bring a request to my attention. I will always try to find a win-win, I will always listen and give serious consideration when you give me the opportunity to evaluate your concerns, I want you to be healthy happy and secure in your choice to serve me.

When you say no to something I ask, you cut me out of that decision, and you cut me off from our connection….and it hurts more than any cut of the flesh.

I want you to see how precariously this relationship balances on the power exchange we have negotiated, and I do understand that there are so many things that are stressful about being a submissive.

But you know what is also stressful? A relationship where there is no direction, no stewarding, no compass. No agreements and no vision.

Do you know what is more stressful? A Relationship where we are daily fighting for power.

That is not a relationship I can ever be in….I know this hurts you when I say this, but it is not meant to be hurtful, this is just what has been learned about myself and what I value about myself….I Will Not Fight My Partner.

I chose you out of 100s. I chose you because you were the missing piece to my puzzle, you wanted someone to give you direction, you wanted to be useful to someone, you spent years enabling a person who you never were, and I wanted to give you a place where your selflessness and service would be valued not belittled.

I have watched carefully and taken my job as your steward more seriously than I have taken any thing in my life, I have read books, went to classes, did self-work, found mentors, and did everything I can to be the best steward of you.

I try not to raise my voice, I don’t treat you unfairly, and I don’t abuse my power. I am the kind of Dominant I wish I had when I was a submissive, one that listens, one that cares, and is willing to navigate with you.

But please understand that as much as I love you, I will not tolerate disobedience.

I can’t… It would ruin everything we have, everything we worked for, everything we are. And I just won’t do it to you, to me or us.

I would rather release you then let the snarky comments or the complaints or disrespect slip through the cracks.

I love you too much to let us start sliding down that slippery slope again, where the only power we have is to hurt each other, and it escalates, and we both are angry frustrated and not getting what we want…

I love you too much to let you out in the world rudderless. I know you, I know you need a strong anchor to feel grounded and a person to serve to feel valued.

I love you too much to let you continue with the pattern I am starting to see, complaining, not doing the things I tell you to do, not doing the things I ask with excellence, being a pessimist, and becoming a drone of “I am sorry”

If there is no longer joy in this for you, I am sorry, I would never want that for you, I would rather release you then for you not to have joy.

I am Not ok with the direction this ship is heading, it is my job to right the ship, and I am trying the best I know how, communication, caring, and consequences, but if those things don’t work then I am out of options and I need to release you. I don’t want to, it will crush me, but I won’t live in a way that is not authentic to my core, that would fatally wound my soul.

To my eyes, you have an amazing life, you don’t have to do anything but make me smile, cook me food on occasion, keep the house, and be part of my team. It seems like a dream existence to me, but if that is not enough for you, then I want you to find what is…

I want you to be happy. I feel myself crying as I write this, as I own this and everything it could mean..

Please know that needing to release you, is not because I don’t love you it is because I do.

Love Forever and Always,

Your Former Dominant.


I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish enough “Hello’s” to get you through the final “Goodbye.


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