So last night Mom was moved from Viber to MUSC for two reasons. The first one being the real hurricane that is threatening us, and they needed to move her off the coast. The second being that she hasn’t gotten any better. In truth, she has been getting worse. Her lungs are permanently damaged, and she will never be able to breathe on her own again. Not without a pretty great miracle at least. Dad isn’t doing great though I think he finally realizes that she realistically will not make it. I know that he is still praying for a miracle.
In truth, I hope that he gets his miracle, but I also worry what will happen if he doesn’t. He has talked about moving overseas if he loses mom… and I don’t know how I feel about that. I feel like if I lost one parent that I will end up losing both…
Though, on the other hand, there is the second hurricane the one within me because I know that if my parents knew who I truly was they would not accept me. The most they know is that I am kinky, but they don’t know anything else.
I honestly doubt they know that I’m pansexual or polyamorous. I serious doubt that they know that I am a demimale, which for those that don’t know means I’m a trans male. The only thing that holds me back is that I still flux to andro and do not feel wholly male though I do identify the most with my masculine side.
In part, I wish I had time to tell my mom and have enough time for her to get used to it. To have adequate time to have her understand potentially, but I know that time is a luxury that I don’t have. I also know that it would take her years to accept me if she ever does. Dad… I don’t think he would ever fully accept me as a demimale. Being pansexual and polyamorous would be something that he could potentially wrap his head around. The thought of me being an entirely different gender though? I don’t think he could ever actually understand or that he would even want to.
So therein lies the two hurricanes in my life right now. The one that is threatening us physically and the one that is my mind. I wish that I had answers to the questions that I have, but I know that this isn’t something that Google can help me with.