Today seemed to be yet another day that has started off fairly rocky. For the mass majority of the morning, he seemingly is just in an overall grumpy mood, which took my overly fairly happy mood and flushed it down the drain. I have repeatedly asked him if he is experiencing any form of the drop to which the answer has been repeatedly no. He hasn’t told me any other reason that he would be in a grumpy mood so I am unsure what is wrong.
For myself, I have been experiencing mild drop throughout the night and day due to a few complications. I had been trying to establish a scene for us for the past 3 nights, but it just didn’t seem to work out. We just keep seeming to butt heads. He has taken to constantly top from the bottom before, during, and after every single scene that we have had or tried to have. I have yet to figure out if this is due to not being able to submit to me, not trusting me enough, or what.
He is typically a very Dominant person, but he chose to be submissive to me. I am just wondering if he chose wrong, or if he simply isn’t submissive. I am just tiring of this constant power struggle that we seem to have. In the beginning, when I was sick he was always on bended knee to me, now though it seems that he wants to be my Dominant, which is not an option.
So at the end of the day, it’s leaving me feeling lost, confused, and unwanted. He tells me 500x a day that he loves me, but what exactly does that mean? Am I simply misreading everything, and just over thinking everything? Even though I am a Dominant it doesn’t mean that my mental stability isn’t fragile. I may have learned to build walls and guard myself, but to someone like him he has the keys to allow him to keep walking through each of those walls with ease.