Last night we had a very intensive scene. He was either depressed or dropping from having to punish his submissive, which I am not completely sure of. He wanted me to push him too far, but I knew what he needed. I lightly flogged him to give him a therapeutic release followed by medium impact  to his bottom while cuddling him.

We spent a lot of the scene talking through everything, which I think really helped. Though, I throughout the scene I couldn’t help worry that he may walk away. I know that he wouldn’t do that, but due to past submissive’s actions it’s a thought that I can’t help that seeps through.

He isn’t him though, and I know that I can not allow the negativity from past relationship to taint our relationship. It is something that is hard for me, but it is something that I will continue to work on within myself. I know that no one is perfect, and I tell him that I will never judge him based on his past. So I need to remember to keep the same in mind, and not allow my past to effect our relationship.

This morning when I woke it was very abrupt. I had a restless night filled with nightmares, though none of them having anything to due with him it was hard waking up. I instantly was in a terrible mood that lead to having what I can only hypothesize was a migraine since I never really have them. He brought up that he thought I was suffering from top drop, and though I am unsure I feel I can’t discredit it either. I’m still reeling inside though I have calmed my outward appearance fairly well.

He has asked me not to put up walls around myself, but for now I have. I don’t want how I am feeling to spill out onto him, or our household. I am feeling fairly dark right now. I’m very unnerved and uneasy. I cleansed myself which helped a lot, but it didn’t remove it all…


2 thoughts on “Intense

  1. Please don’t put up walls against me. I want us to get past moments like this together. I am glad we got past that one but the ones in the future I would like to be able to get past this together.


  2. There have been walls set into place for some time now, but not all of them are mine. The mass majority of the walls between us have been created by you.


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