Within my house I am typically the person that carries the burden. I am the one that has to be the adult. I do not get the luxurious that others have. Recently, though that has changed, and it is causing me great strife. Since, my surgery I am having to rely on those around me for help. My new boyfriend is a great source of help… but I still can’t stand it. I feel like myself and the burden that I carry are being pulled to the ground by a gravitational force that I can not rival right now. I simply do not have the strength to fight anymore.
The demons that I keep at bay are now roaming freely as I am shackled helplessly, and all I can do is watch. My husband and girlfriend… well they try to help… I guess. They tell me constantly to let them help, but when I finally reach my breaking point, and need help all I see is grumbling. I can see the burden that I am to them… even though when I am strong I am the person that supports them through and through.
I simply can not stand it, and the taste is beginning to stain my mouth. I sit with tears streaming down my face, and lines of weariness etching my face. I don’t know how much more of this I can survive. I have been praying and begging for the strength to continue.
I know the emotions of everyone around me. They bombard me with their happiness, anger, pain, sorrow, remorse, strife, joy, pleasure, and so many more that don’t even have human words for them… rarely though do those around me notice my emotions. One is beginning too… though the speed at which he is learning scares me greatly.