My life seems to always be on the winds of change, but now those winds have picked up the pace to hurricane force speeds. This isn’t something to be concerned with, but you may want to keep up with my writings to know what is going on.
Some of you may have noticed I am not quite the same person that I was when I entered this community let alone 2 years ago. Many have commented that if they didn’t watch me change they wouldn’t even be able to recognize me. I have also had many people that used to be apart of my life that faded away that now have walked past me not being able to recognize myself anymore.
The simple answer to this is, because I am with a partner that has allowed me to be myself. When I lived at my parents home I had to dress and act a certain way, or my home life would have been even worse then it already was. This was the same when I was married, and then again when I was engaged. I was required to be feminine anything less was met with punishment.
I know many people that have scoffed at this, because they feel that if this was who I truly was I would have found away. My answer to them is you have not walked in my shoes. You were not there to hold me as I cried in the dark. You have no right to judge me, tell me I am seeking attention, or call me a fake. You have not seen the world through my eyes.
I have been told more times then I can remember, “That isn’t very Lady like.” My new answer to that is I guess its a good thing that I am not a Lady. I can only be myself. I have no wish to return to who I had to present to be in order to survive. Until two years ago I was simply a caterpillar who was lost. Now I see myself in my cocoon being reformed into my true self.
To mark the hurricane of changes in my journey. I recently got a tattoo that is a water colored compass that is on my left hand that is filled to the brim with meanings for me.
- My Father is old Navy so I have always had an adoration of compasses.
- The compasses North is pointed at my ring finger to signify finding my way to my partner.
- I will soon be getting my breast reduction which is a huge step on my journey for my body to match who I see in my head.
- The colors represent Earth & Water my two elements.
- The compass will guide me in through this hurricane of changes in my journey.