5 am rambles

  • Today, was Christmas and we had the girls, my parents, as well as Nicks ex wife over for presents and dinner.
  • We went to see the girls grave this evening so that I could turn the lights on the Christmas tree on.
  • We haven’t visited them in a long time, and I haven’t kept up their grave recent at all.
  • I feel guilty that I haven’t taken the time to go make their grave look pretty.
  • The though that marrying Nick has gained me 3 daughters is starting to sink in.
  • Taylor his oldest is probably never accept me as a parental unit considering she doesn’t even accept her father.
  • Nick says that he has tried to reach out to Taylor in the past, but in the time I have been with him I haven’t really seen it.
  • The house and our room don’t really feel like mine… I feel like I’m still living in Nicks house not out house.
  • I want to decorate the house more.
  • Our bedroom needs to be cleaned, and I need it to feel more like home.
  • It being as chaotic as it is has been causing my anxiety to spike to unhealthy levels.
  • I might start cleaning it tonight…
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